How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick by Letty Cottin Pogrebin

Author:Letty Cottin Pogrebin [Pogrebin, Letty Cottin]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781610392846
Publisher: PublicAffairs

WHEN YOUR FRIEND’S PARENT IS DYING

A few years ago the aforementioned Deb Kogan was slammed with that quadruple whammy—dying father, unemployed husband, sick kid, no money. Oh, and one more thing: her first novel was only weeks from publication, and her publisher insisted she go out on the road to promote it.

Most of Deb’s friends who were aware of what was happening in her life responded beautifully. The night after she learned about her dad, her best childhood friend came over with a gift-wrapped package of Kleenex, insisted on taking her out for a good meal, brought the package to the restaurant, put it on the table, then listened to her cry and just kept handing her a tissue when she needed one.

Another friend said the right words at the worst moment—during Deb’s book party. “My dad was there and I was trying to give my little speech, but I started to cry and this friend of mine, who’d already lost her mother, pulled me aside and said, ‘Try not to mourn in front of him. He’s here now. Cherish the moment, right here, right now. Don’t fast-forward to his death. He knows he’s going to die. You know he’s going to die. But right now you’re both alive, and this party is a celebration of your hard work, and you’re lucky he’s here to see this day, so try, if you can, to enjoy yourself. That’s what he wants to see—your smile, not your tears.’ She said all this firmly but gently, and it was life altering in the most profound way. She was like the Buddhist master who finally got me to understand the whole notion of Be Here Now.”

There were a few clunkers among her friends too: the woman Deb had to drop for a while because, “Every time we talked, the conversation was about her. She kept wondering what she would do if what was happening to me happened to her, or if what was happening to my father happened to her mother.” And the woman who was narcissistic in a different way: “When I told her I had to promote my book despite my father’s failing health and I was having a hard time being zippy and happy on TV, this friend, who’d published a novel of her own, barked at me, ‘Oh, stop! At least you get on TV!’ I told her, ‘I’m going to hang up right now.’ She said, ‘You’re overreacting.’ I kept saying I was going to hang up, and finally I did. When she called back, I said, ‘You can’t do this to me. I have a book coming out and my dad’s dying and I need your support.’ It’s upsetting when a friend doesn’t let you air your sorrow.”

Despite her gal pals’ missteps, Deb chose not to put an end to these long-term friendships because, she said, “the past doesn’t get erased so easily. Still I found it interesting how some people’s personal neuroses come out in a crisis.”

Deb

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.